I had an interesting conversation with my workout buddy at 6:00 this morning. She was feeling guilty because her 3rd grader hadn't turned in his homework yesterday, in fact had left it at home, and the teacher had stopped by and let her know. She was struggling with something I struggle with both at school and at home: parental guilt.

In talking through this issue this morning, while our physical selves were crawling up hills and over dales, we tossed around how parenting really changes - must change - at some point in elementary school. Parents go from being a child's total advocate, supporting everything and making sure all gets done, to helping the child begin to take responsibility for their learning. This includes, ensuring that the child hears from the teacher that something is missing and comes home to tell his or her parent. This seems to be such an important developmental step for children. If we (as parents) are too quick to call the teacher or get mad and blame the teacher for a low grade or missing assignment, the child doesn't need to care about or take responsibility for his or her actions.

My seventh grader (those who read regularly, know) is struggling with getting work in this year - as he has never struggled, to my knowledge, before. Part of this is appropriate, developmentally - he is testing the boundries of his reality. Part of it may be that it has been fairly easy for him to stay on top of things, and now he is experiencing more serious consequences for the choices he makes...most often in the abstract form of grades.

My walking buddy and I commiserated when we realized that she is at the beginning stages of letting her young one experience consequences (both positive and negative) on his own. I didn't tell her that this seems to be a stage that we haven't left yet - and we are four years further on than she. That would have just been unkind. Our exercising session ended with both of us confident that we will have support from each other to get through these years!