Paralyzed by Time

I'm waiting for the productivity gene to click in...
It's Spring Break and I had planned so many things I was going to take care of
I was going to work - so I'm doing a little of that
But I was also going to clean my closet, write lots of letters, watch lots of movies
I'm doing a whole lot of nothing, well, except eating...
The luxury of time, in a sense, has caused a little paralysis for me. 

Traditions

Irish Dance - I was overcome by it for years before my daughter went to college - and now I find I'm missing it dreadfully. 

It was:
Wigs, curly and springy and
black shoes (hard toe and soft)
straight arms and flying feet

evenings of lessons
bonding with moms
while the daughters drilled
in shorts and white knee socks
and green dance school shirts

It was:
early Saturday mornings
travelling to competitions
tanning beds and make up artists
and glittery costumes that
cost a fortune

cold weekend gatherings in
MARCH! Month of Irish traditions
snow on the ground, or not
dancing down Main Street or
Constitution Avenue

It was:
toes tapping
curls flying
swinging partners
cheering crowds

celebrating the wearing o' the Green
together 

Compromise

There are two topics I have religiously sliced on: my daughter's experience during the month of March as an Irish Dancer and my husband's battle to protect our backyard pond from the family of raccoons who love it!  As we get down to the last two days of slicing for this month, I have to make sure I touch on these topics that I love; tradition, you know. 

Since our beagle passed away our backyard pond has become a favorite watering hole for a little family of three raccoons.  It would be great if they came to just drink, but they seem to really love the taste of the plant roots that thrive in the pond - and they dig and pull them out, generally leaving a mess behind them. 

This year's plan of defense included a black grate overlaying the pond - which the pond plants can grow up through.  It's a modification and improvement on last year's mini-cheval de frise protecting the raccoon's access to the edge. 

This morning, my husband noticed that there was some muck pulled up on one side of the pond.  Yep - the raccoons dabbled in the pond again last night.  But, those little hands couldn't do much than reach down and grab a few shoots.  Matt decided that it's a little sacrifice to make. They'll take a few shoots, we will keep the rest of the pond intact. 
     

Flown the Coop

It's hard to know if this is the cukoo's nest I am living in, or if it is our new normal.  Regardless, I think we are, officially, empty-nesters.  Today, our daughter (child #2) informed us that she has made up her mind to stay in her apartment at college and not come home during the Covid 19 challenge.  While I applauded her loyalty and commitment  to her job, I had a few questions:  How was she practicing social distancing?  Would she be able to cook and eat healthy?  She's a social creature (more than me, believe it or not), and I questioned her ability to cope with the limited human interaction that is likely to occur.  

Via Facetime she shared that she felt confident that this was the right decision for her.  She had all the answers, and she even acknowledged that her decision would be hard on us, "because I know you worry about me all the time, mom."  

This evening, I'm grieving.  On a light note, I had entertained some daydreams of daughter and mom pandemic-coping activities - doing our nails, trimming each other's hair, watching the chick flicks together that my hubby is not interested in.  I also recognize, deep down inside, that this means she likely won't come home for any length of time, again.  

I'm really sad and will miss her; but I'm also incredibly proud of her and look forward to seeing who she will become.  

Hours of Words

There is 

contentment, this 

gray day, in sitting 

cocooned in my 

comfy armchair, 

feet up and blanketed, 

savoring the 

hours of words that launch

me far from 

here.  

Coming out of Quarantine - to Help Out!

Admin have been asked to help hand out bagged meals to students and families for the next few weeks.  Yesterday and today I was thrilled to have a purpose outside of my home office.  I showered happily, dressed with a little more care than I have been while quarantined, and hopped into my car to report to my station.  

After a few moments of uncertainty - where are the gloves?  who's got the bleach mixture to wipe the tables regularly?  where are the bagged meals?  - everything fell into place.  We found the masking tape lines that denoted the 6 feet of distance, we placed the tables and ropes to guide students and families, and we each took a role.  

Yesterday I was the greeter/counter - which made my extroverted soul ecstatic.  "Hi there, how are you?"  "Welcome - so glad to see you!" Joyful greetings flowed from me, with smiles and waves of encouragement.  "Step right up, here you go...how many meals?" and "Have you been reading any good books?  Getting on Canvas ok?"  Most of these kids and families didn't know me - but their smiles looked as grateful for the human interaction as for the bagged meals we were sharing.  

Today's role I was the meal deliverer - the counter would holler, "4 meals, Ms. E. Smith" and I would grab 4 bags with a hot lunch inside and deliver them to the table.  Next, like I was leaving an offering at my favorite religious site, I would back up to the six feet mark, arms wide and palms open, smile and call, "Have a good weekend."  

Returning to my office and a more sedentary work world than I have ever experienced, I felt energized and positive, and thankful for the opportunity to see any young people.  Although, I really wanted to see my students.  We miss them - all of us.  And, they miss us too.  

Lament of the healthy...

So, quarantined...
living with one other person,
focused on one other person,
dependent on one other person...

the thump of feet
on the floor above me,
I cringe
the slurp and chomp
during lunch annoy me,
I wince
the voice raised loud
tele-meeting around me,
I sink

Quarantined...
living with one other person
Week Two - nearly done.

Few Words

There is something about a rainy day in quarantine - it's quiet that's for sure. 

Except for all of my MS Teams meetings - those weren't quiet - so many teachers happy to see each other and ready to hear how everyone was doing. 

So glad to see those lovely, worried, familiar faces -

Missing all the middle school ones.
       

I've Been Hunkered Down...

I've taken a brief hiatus from writing - I've been hunkered down, trying to process what's going on.  Like many of you, I'm struggling with the scale of the current situation - and now with schools closing in Virginia...whew - it takes a lot to pull me down - but that message capped a surreal couple of weeks. 

Yesterday and today I have spent lots of time responding to staff members questions around what is going to happen now that the state is closing us down through the end of the year.  How will we continue student learning?  How will we motivate students to engage?  How will we do all this and support students' SEL needs?  How will we teach and take care of our families?  How will we...?  When can we...?  Most of the answers are not yet clearly defined - so I've done the best I could to respond with care and concern. 

I have been brought to tears multiple times by the lovely messages from students, families and staff members, as they recognize the poignancy of opening a new school this year, just to have it close in March - not even three quarters of the year complete.  I can't help but think of the eighth graders, torn from their original middle school, some placed here willingly, some unwillingly, and now there will be no end-of-the-year celebration that acknowledges this transition.   

All of these challenges pale in light of the conversation around keeping our families safe, healthy, and protected from exposure to this virus. So, with that to motivate me, I return to writing a slice a day - in the hopes that it will help me document this experience and stay connected to this positive and supportive writing and learning community. 

Thanks for listening.   

Sharp Dressed Man?

The ultimate escapism for me is watching "rockumentaries" - or documentaries on some of those awesome rock bands that we love...especially from the 80's! 

Tonight's distraction was ZZ Top, That Little Ol' Band from Texas - and it brought back so many memories of the the seventies and the eighties for me - and told an interesting story about why people come together to play music - and don't stop.  ZZ Top has been playing together for almost 50 years, longer than many people stay married...they mentioned. 

Interestingly, ZZ Top was made (outside of Texas) by the MTV generation - selling dreams associated with the music through video.  They were selling fantasy.  Really - guys with long beards making all of our hormonal dreams come true.

I bought it then...I'm wishing that we could go back.  Sort of....

Counted!

In the midst of this pandemic, our Census 2020 login information arrived today.  I appreciate the ease (for some) of the electronic count, but the impersonal feeling of this white envelope with a 12 digit unique family identifier, caused me to think. 

One of my favorite tasks as a younger person (before work took over my summers) was tracing my genealogy, and digging deep into family records has been fascinating.  One amazing find was the Census from a long time ago -of which my grandfather had a copy.  I would spend hours pouring over the copied pages, looking at the beautiful script each entry had been written in, and imagining the families who grace those pages, especially those families who seemed to have a non-traditional make up.  For example, our Murphy family had at different times interesting members who were counted with us, but who were not related.  There was a "hired man" in the 20's who lived in the family home, and my aunts all talk about "Harney" the family nurse who was counted in the Murphy home in the 30's.  Rumor had it that this little Irish woman lived in the closet off my great-grandparents bedroom. 

I've seen the pictures (perhaps Rockwell?) of the census taker sitting in the living room and carefully noting the names and ages of each person living in a home. I have imagined, even glamorized, the unique experience of learning about the people that lived inside each and every home.  I worry that there is not much glamour in the computerized number that will represent me and my family. 

So many interesting lives and stories have spoken from the pages of the handwritten census docs that I've read.  I'm hoping that generations into the future find the same interest in the computerized record of our simple home. 

Seeking the Silver Lining

At the end of the school year when staff sends students home for an extended period of time, we celebrate with high kicks, hugs, waves and smiles.  Almost as soon as the kids are gone, the staff joyfully heads out, and our summer begins with the anticipation of fun in the sun and these important people returning in the fall ready to begin the cycle of school over again. 

Today, as I said goodbye to both my school building and some of the staff who work there with me year-round, I was struck by how sad I felt.  Right now, for so many of us, there is no anticipation of  when we might get back.  The unknown stretches out in front of us, and it's inky dark - we can't see anything at all.

And yet, as I walked into my home, my grown kids and their significant others were sitting at the kitchen table playing a game and eating snacks, while my husband cooked dinner.  While the future looks dark, it's important to seek the silver lining and strive to find joy in our daily experiences.  This glimpse of my grown young ones enjoying each other's company, playing games, and happy at home around our kitchen table was heartening.

Gonna focus on the day to day. 

Who Needs a Routine?

My schedule has gone to hell in a hand-basket.  On Sundays I typically have three priorities:  send my message to staff in preparation for the week, stock the pantry with my weekly breakfasts and lunches (yogurts, blueberries, and salads), and wash the laundry so that I can wear the same five (with few minor changes) outfits to work. 

Today, anticipating no one to look professional for, I did no laundry.  I will likely wear a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt to work tomorrow - to make sure that the school gets shut down safely.  I did no shopping - I bought Pop Tarts yesterday, during my Armageddon preparation, and I'll eat those for breakfast this week, and leftovers for lunches.  And, I sent a brief message to staff letting them know they could come into the building to pick up things they realized they might need.  I'll send a more detailed message tomorrow - if I have more details to share. 

Instead of my normal routine, I learned how to use Microsoft Teams - so that I can set up online communications and meetings with staff; the family and I watched Frozen 1 and Frozen 2 (both came with tears - and the general agreement that we love Olaf); and we ate crazy stuff sporadically throughout the day (popcorn, Snyders Honey Mustard Pretzel Pieces, Girl Scout Cookies).  The kids are playing a game of Scrabble now, while I blog, and then we are going to watch another movie - likely, Raiders of the Lost Ark, since my daughter has never seen this classic, or the Democratic debates (no audience and six feet between podiums.)  We'll see.   

I am going to have to get on an official routine if this working from home (and staying isolated) thing is going to work. 

Playing with Marco Polo

In anticipation of being isolated for the next 4 weeks, one of my sisters hooked my siblings and I up with a new app - and I totally recommend it. 

Marco Polo is a video app that holds short videos that are shared with a group you set up.  This morning my sister sent us an intro video saying good morning and sharing her current view - of the Rocky Mountains at sunrise covered with snow!  Later she shared a video of footprints in the snow around her beautiful home... we were curious, then she told us those were BEAR footprints.  Apparently in Colorado the bears are coming out of hibernation, just as we head into our own sort of isolation.

Another sister sent us a quick video of her working from her adorable little apartment in San Fransisco, where she has set up a comfortable home office for the next few weeks.  We all panicked for her when she shared her completely empty, literally, nothing in it, refrigerator. Later she sent a video of her walking up to her gym for a work out - empty - she had the place to herself, not surprisingly.  She did have a backpack on so that she could pick up a few groceries while she was out.  Hopefully there will be more than wine available. 

My third sister sent a quick video of her kiddos saying good morning while she drank coffee in her pjs and bathrobe.   The kids showed us bookshelves of activities and books ready to go for the next few weeks - and this sister was full of good advice for my brother and his wife and their four children.  She's a silly one - so her next few videos were of her slurping her coffee or making weird faces just to make us laught. 

My (only) brother and youngest sibling sent multiple videos as his kids woke up and joined him in the morning coffee routine.  We had shy hellos from the first grader, and excited hellos from the one year old.  Later on my brother set the guideline that there could be no videos from the bathroom - and then little James sent us all a little video as he sat on his "potty."  With four kids under the age of 6, he will have no peace and quiet over the next month. 

I sent a few videos. I didn't like seeing myself on the screen - but I loved getting my kids in on the fun.  Our college-aged kiddos jumped in on sending their aunts, uncles and cousins greetings and smiles.  I do think this app will go a long way to keep us connected, especially in this crazy time of social distancing.  I recommend it. 

Stay Healthy Folks

The discussion this evening around the dinner table with my daughter and her boyfriend was about the definition of quarantine... what exactly does it mean to be quarantined and what would you do?  We threw around a few ideas, "I'd read so many books," and "I'd marathon-watch all of my favorite movie series." And, the reality is, while quarantine the way we were thinking about sounds really attractive, that's gallows humor in action.  I wish quarantine on no one.  Stay healthy folks. 

Remaining Hopeful

There is a sense of expectancy in the air - similar to the school climate before a possible snow day - and the students are trembling with it.  

Wash your hands, sneeze into your elbow, use hand sanitizer - the mantra is now a regular part of our morning announcements.  The students are very aware of what's going on; they're seeing more and more parents working from home and hearing discussions about school closings.  They don't watch the news, but they sure keep up with this topic.  

I'm hounded during lunch duty, "Ms. E. Smith, are we closing?" they ask, with hope shining in their eyes.  

"We are not...we are here to teach and you are here to learn - and we will stay focused on that while we are!" I respond.  

This afternoon I realized that in addition to our global health concern, this week has a full moon, an early release day, spring weather, and Friday is the 13th.  Perhaps this nervous energy is the combination of all of these things.  Will we make it through the week?  I remain hopeful.

Zippity Do Dah, Whew!

At 6:30 this evening I sank into the drivers seat of my little Volkswagen eGolf and exhaled.  The seat seemed to embrace me as I sat there, enveloping me in a cocoon for the transport home.  I pushed the start button, and silently the car sprang to life - lights, sensors, and dashboard communicating what my electric motor could not...the car was on!  I pressed on the "gas pedal" (because what else do you call it?) and relished the subtle, futuristic whine as my car zipped forward.  Soon, I would be home, to recover and refresh, to get ready for tomorrow.

The Little Red Schoolhouse

Over the last couple of months my husband, a handyman extraordinaire, built a wonderful "Little Red Schoolhouse" lending library and "planted it" in our front lawn.  With ceder shake shingles, real glass windows, and painted a bright, fire engine red, the little library looks on the outside like the one room schoolhouse that my mom and her siblings attended.  On the inside, it holds a treasure.

As we prepped our guestroom for our annual visit from the in-laws, Matt and I realized that there were hundreds of books that we had "stashed" there that needed to be dealt with.  Some of these books were from our own childhoods, my very first copy of Madeline L'engle's, A Wrinkle in Time, or Matt's Hardy Boys collection.  Others were books from my kids' childhoods, like Rebecca's Princess Stories collection, read to her a bazillion times - or Patrick's Harry Potter series, well worn.  I have a hard time getting rid of books, but especially ones with important memories associated with them like these.

There were plenty of books though that any one of us might have read once, and enjoyed, but didn't feel the need to keep.  Matt and I sorted through the boxes, examined and appreciated each book carefully, and created a pile of books to keep and a pile to be placed in our Little Red Schoolhouse Lending Library.

It's tough maintaining this little library and considering who in our neighborhood might be walking by.  We try to keep a selection of books that might appeal to a wide variety of ages - early readers and young adult fiction are in there as well as adult fiction and a cookbook or two. My penchant for romance novels is problematic, though, as our multi-age audience might be shocked by the covers (or contents!)  Those I'm donating to the real library!

Almost daily either Matt or myself stops and checks the collection to see if anything has been picked up.  If there is an empty space, we celebrate that someone else will enjoy that book - and then we head to our collection to re-fill this special space.

The Chill Zone

I'm not ready to give up on winter:

• I like my heavy winter coat - it's slimming
• I can't give up my tall black boots with black tights - love them
• No cozying up in a warm blanket with a good book? 
• Hot tea with lemon just isn't the same on a warm day
• No more bulky sweaters with fun patterns?
• What about my scarves?  I love a hand knitted infinity scarf

Perhaps it's really because...I'm not ready for summer:

• Shorts?  Bathing suit?  Short-sleeved shirts?  Nope, Nope, Nope!
• Sandals?  Not without a couple of pedicures...
• Air conditioning?  Brrr.  Followed by...
• Humidity?  Bad for hair, bad for me. 
• Bright sun, really early in the morning, on the days I can sleep in.  Boo.  
• Salads and eating healthy - not yet.  I haven't had enough stew. 

The real problem might be that I just really love what happens around here when it snows.  The roads are peaceful, and the pace of life slows down; and I am able to take a moment to enjoy all of that coziness and warmth.  

Hmm - 71 degrees predicted for Monday.  I'm not going to hold my breath.  I better get ready.  

Ze Plane...Ze Plane

My legs hurt from standing (mostly still) for so many hours...
My body is tired from a long week...
but my brain and spirit are totally energized by the positivity of our parent/teacher conferences. 

This morning, I pulled the PA Mic close to my mouth, and inhaled.  What I really wanted to say was "Places, everyone, places," like Ricardo Montalban on Fantasy Island, the TV show that aired on Friday nights in the 80's!  Instead, I welcomed families and staff to Parent-Teacher Conferences and set the tone for the collaboration that is key to helping students be successful.  I took the post by the main entrance, welcoming families and encouraging them to stop after their conference and "shop" at our overflowing Lost and Found.  Parents proceeded to their conference space with a smile.

On the way out, many parents, even those parents for whom conferences were challenging, stopped to share their thoughts...about how great the teachers are, about how happy their kids are to come to school, and how much they appreciate the work we are doing to open a new school that is a safe and welcoming place for students.

Whoo hoo!  I need to bottle those messages and send them out to our staff:  You are doing a great job.  Keep it up.  The kids and families appreciate it.

Goal: Better Human Beings

 The house was pitch dark by the time I got home this evening; walking in I dropped my bags and flicked on the light.  Surprise!

A lovely bouquet of flowers and a little note sat in the center of the table.  For a few moments, I was happy to just stand and relish someone's gesture...then I opened the card.  It was a thank you from my son's girlfriend for having them both over to dinner last weekend. 

How much we worry about our kiddos while we raise them...are they:

• playing the right sports
• going to the right school
• making the right friends
• getting good grades
• going to a fab college
• doing enough community service
• doing enough extracurricular activities
• well-rounded enough
• passionate enough

When really, shouldn't we be focused on whether they are good humans?  

The thank you note and flowers just confirms...these two grown ones certainly are good humans. 

Joy

My alarm woke me this morning at 5:15, and it was with great pleasure that I hit snooze a few times before I got up.  Without students entering the school doors at 7:20, I could be a little more relaxed about getting to work - freedom! The daily first bell is a heavy taskmaster.  Today, before heading into school, I took a leisurely shower, drank two (!) cups of coffee, and ran to the grocery to get sweet snacks for our assistants. 

The true highlight of my morning, however, was hopping into my car and singing along with my favorite artists - the classic, Don't Stop Believin, by Journey got my blood pumping and Hit Me with Your Best Shot, by Pat Benetar, had me shaking my fist at my challenges.  As I pulled into school at 7:00 sharp, A Million Dreams by Pink launched me into the building - filling me with visions of what our world could be.  Call me crazy, but what a great start to the day! 

Herding Cats

I typically dread 7th grade lunch duty.  It's the last lunch, the kids are hungry, and there is only one period left in their day. Today I stalked in to the cafeteria, ready to "do my time" in the noise and chaos, and I was pleasantly surprised...it was mellow. 

Glancing around the room, mic in hand, I felt a surge of happiness, contentment even.  Every single student was seated, eating and chatting with their table mates, and the cafeteria seemed civilized.  A far cry from last Friday's lunch during which the room teetered on the edge of imminent disaster. 

The peace didn't last long - just enough time for every student to finish their lunch and begin the 7th grade prowl...You know - who can I talk to, who still has food, who can I bother kind of prowl! 

Fortunately, it was time to clean tables and pack up.  My handy microphone and I herded those cats back into order and sent them on their way. 

Grateful

Her still-13 year-old picture lit up my phone.  Rebecca's calling. "I'm at the door by the cafeteria, Mom. Would you come let us in?" 

My husband and I leap up from the conference table and head down the long hallway to Door 14.  She's here! 

Our eager strides move us quickly to where she waits. Wrapping she and her friends up in big hugs, we welcome her home, or at least close to home, for a short time. 

Her favorite sandwiches wait (Italian Store Subs, the best!), and we sit around the conference table talking about how things are going:  mid-terms, trip to Baltimore, new car, study abroad in Spain, updates on family. 

And then, in a blink, she is gone. Sandwiches eaten and chips devoured. On her independent way, again. 

Just got this text, "Thank you guys so much. It was awesome. Made it safely home."  

The world gets quiet quickly now that we are empty-nesters. So glad to have these brief moments to hold on to.  So grateful to see her.