I was careless, I was lazy, I screwed something up that wasn't mine to fix or throw away. Funny how an experience like that can send you right back to your "middle-school" you. My adrenaline pumps, my defensive reaction (is this such a big deal?) kicks in, and I get angry at the person who is not responding the way I would like. I was downright snarky.
Now, I must apologize for two things: first, for messing something up; and second, for my negative, over the top reaction. Still, inside, the grown-up me is arguing with the middle-school me.
"It was an accident; you didn't mean it; it's not a big deal," the middle-school voice whines, hoping to diffuse the situation.
"NO EXCUSES", the grown-up me argues. "Anything you say could be considered an excuse, and there is no excuse for careless, lazy behavior that ends badly."
This is when I wish life had a do-over button. Wouldn't that be nice? I'd use it now.
Yielding to Circumstances
6 hours ago
What a vulnerable, authentic post! Your writing was so raw and transparent. I often argue with my 13 year old self, and I completely identify with the heart of your message. Remember to be gentle with both your adult and younger self.
ReplyDeleteEllen,
ReplyDeleteLove the undo button on the computer or the days that are so great that you wish you could do them again. But oh no the moments we wish to rewind and redo. Remember worrying won't change anything. What's done is done. Oh, so many words of wisdom. Don't be too hard on yourself. We learn from our mistakes. You know all the things we say to our kids/students. Good luck smoothing things over. ~ Theresa
HA! I love this post! What I find for myself is that in the "do-over" situation I don't learn the lesson. I only learn lesson in humility and since I am so stubborn that usually comes with a heaping helping of humiliation.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think that all grown-ups are just trying to hide the fact that we haven't matured much since middle school. I like the way you own that side of yourself here.
ReplyDelete