Instant headache boiled up under my scalp as I pulled the weights down, pinching my shoulders, working my lats. In previous workout sessions I had just pulled through when I didn't feel good - but my trainer lectured me the last time, "Tell me when you have a negative physical response, like a headache. I'm able to adjust your workout right then to better meet your needs." So today, I stopped, and told Kenny.
As we moved from the lat machine over to the leg curl and extension machine, Kenny asked if I had eaten today - how much, and what, and how much water I'd had to drink. "What?" he asked, surprised, "you haven't eaten since noon and it's six thirty now? Your body needs nutrition."
Instantly, my eyes welled with tears. It had been a long day, and I was feeling defeated. I began the leg extensions, my least favorite exercise, ten seconds up, ten seconds down. "Keep breathing," Kenny intoned gently. His positive support, I think, pushed me over the edge, and the tears I had been barely holding in just poured down my cheeks. We stopped there.
I wish I could say I cried because I had challenged myself physically and succeeded - but the reality is nothing so pleasant. I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of situations I dealt with today, and underwhelmed by how successful I felt at handling them. And, when the headache rushed upon me, I felt like a failure yet again.
Kenny listened empathetically as I recounted my worries - reminding me that he takes the "personal" in personal trainer very seriously. "You have to take care of you," he advised, "Otherwise, you can't take care of anyone else."
White Cat Red Mountain
1 day ago