As I've read around the Slice of Life Challenge this week, it has become obvious that I'm not the only one wondering if daylight-savings time could really cause all of the chaos that I've been experiencing this week. This has been a rough week - and I still have Friday to get through!
I'm a middle school assistant principal - and most times I really love my job. Greeting the kids on their way in the building, chatting with students during lunch duty, collaborating with staff to create rigorous, safe and engaging learning environments...all are why I get up every day...well, maybe not lunch duty. :) This week one of the issues that has been especially challenging has been doling out consequences for the discipline infractions and referrals that have found their way to me.
There is no magic book (that I've discovered, please share if you have found one) that tells me how to discipline a child who trips another versus a youngster who cheats on a test or steals from a locker. In our district we have some general guidelines, but not much I would consider specific. I have to consider many perspectives when deciding on a consequence for a student: intent, remorse, the situation leading up to the incident, the student's actions after the incident...
Today I was reminded that while I may be very focused on helping a youngster learn from their mistake, others might be (and, I get it) focused on how that young person is punished and did that punishment fit the crime, as well as what other students will learn from seeing the one who did the crime get punished.
I wonder if you are saying "Huh?" Really, this AP struggles with this? Perhaps this is easy for everyone else. Is it only me who struggles with how to help a child understand that his/her actions have consequences? Is it only me who feels that yelling at students or implementing punitive consequences doesn't always teach a child that what they did was wrong? My son identified my problem for me. Venting this afternoon in the car over my struggle to implement a punishment, this astute 17 year old responded to me by saying, "Mom, you are too empathetic." And, he is right. Others might say optimistic or naive...but really, I see these situations in shades of gray, and navigating the nuances of emotionally charged discipline incidents for all parties involved is an exhausting, time consuming, often unpleasant experience.
Days like today cause me to question if this is the right job for me. It would be so much easier if I saw the world in black and white, right and wrong, and I could proclaim my decisions with nary a worry that it was not right for kids. Maybe I will grow a thicker skin as time goes by and my experience grows, and I will become inured to the shades of gray that surround every discipline decision I make. Still conflicted...but I feel better for having written it down. Thanks for reading.
Put Up Your Dukes
16 hours ago
It's difficult being fair knowing that fair isn't necessarily everyone getting the same thing. It's a struggle in the classroom as well
ReplyDeleteI for one probably have too much empathy - but I think people with empathy, even if it is too much, should be the ones helping students through behavior challenges. You asked: "Is it only me who struggles with how to help a child understand that his/her actions have consequences? Is it only me who feels that yelling at students or implementing punitive consequences doesn't always teach a child that what they did was wrong?" My answer is No - it is not only you - and I am so happy whenever I hear an administrator or teacher reflect like this. Students who need discipline don't always need punishment - and I believe that conversation, natural consequences and love can do wonders. What lucky students to have such a caring AP in their school.
ReplyDeleteI've been in your shoes and can speak from past experience. You are in the right job. Children need your empathy. We all make mistakes. Learning from them helps us become the person we hope to be. Try not to take bad behavior as a personal affront, it isn't. You don't want the tough hide of a warden. You want each child to treat you and teachers with respect, so you teach them how to act respectfully. Punishment is subjective. Others will second guess your actions, but at the end of each day, you can take pride in knowing you have attempted to administer fairly. Best to you.
ReplyDeleteI've never been an administrator, but I can tell from the way you're reflecting about the way you're working with and talking with kids that you are right for the job. Middle school is such a tough place to be. Black and white can work in middle school, but I don't think it teaches kids to take responsibility for their actions in the long run.
ReplyDelete