As the date for Child #1's high school graduation creeps closer and closer, with Child #2 not far behind him and chomping at the bit for freedom, I find I'm feeling less worried about the kids' future and slightly more worried about my future.
You know when you have had to participate in any sort of cultural awareness professional development, often one of the icebreaker activities is to "label" or "define" yourself. One of those labels I have listed for myself, and often close to the top of the list, is mother. Not Earth Mother - you understand; I would have to have been far more careful about the number of times I fed my kids at McDonalds, but rather Working Mother - the mom like you - trying to do it all well (knowing the other moms, driving to sports and club activities, monitoring homework, checking in on grades, communicating with teachers, arranging playdates, raising fantastic children...) and working at an all-consuming job - teaching.
That label clearly identifies a vital part of my definition of myself - who I am and what I do: I'm a mother who works outside the home. As the kids have grown older my job with them has changed - from head diaper cleaner and bath giver to head homework monitor and grade checker. Now that they are both nearing the end of high school, they are gently suggesting (hmm, sometimes not that gently) that their grades are their responsibility, they will check them, and yes, they have their homework done, and ... MOM! BACK OFF!
Here's what I'm dreadfully worried about: I won't have anything to do! I'm going to feel lost without my kiddos! I know I can always read books, I have a huge list of must-reads, but in reality I haven't fostered any other hobbies in myself. I'm concerned that I will replace the time I used to spend with the kids with more work at school. It'd be easy for me to stay an extra hour or two at the office, the job is never done.
So I guess when #1 goes to school in the fall, I'll have two years to begin to broaden my horizons so that when #2 heads out I'm not totally lost.
How have you handled this?
*Apologies to David Bowie
I too define myself by my role in the family. While the responsibilities will change the involvement won't. My kids were accustomed to talking things over with me, they still do when the need arises. My daughter is a social worker and calls me after a tough case to release steam. Our son is in the ministry and sent us links to his sermons. I always make sure I commented. I'm now a grandmother to our son's three small children. I offer to babysit and look for books I know both mom and the kids will love. Please trust me, as the hard work is done the rewards are great.
ReplyDeleteLori - that gives me great hope. Thank you.
DeleteNot yet, I have six years. I think I shall feel the same way though. I just have one daughter. She is 12. I don't have any words of advice except maybe cherish, savor the days you have left before they fly the nest?
ReplyDeleteI felt that sense of loss, too, but eventually came to terms with it. I found that I loved my new free time. I could go to movies, read , knit, take a nap. All kinds of things. And yes, I'm still involved in their lives, but not like before. It's their journey, not mine, and I have my own journey to complete.
ReplyDelete